It's gotta work, somehow

“Once you reach complete trust, it’s over,” My friends Claire, Sabina, and Martin explained to me over a few pints of Guiness in the faint light of a pub in Brighton.

I disagree. I think it has to work because there’s a fundamental difference between loving someone and being “in love.” Or maybe I just want to believe that’s the case.

“No,” Claire assures me, “it gets boring. If you have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, who you can trust completely, then there’s no excitement.”

Maybe that’s one of my problems. I always look for that trust in any relationship---for me it’s a level of comfort, an anchor that gives stability to a good relationship. If you can let your girlfriend go to a party without you, and really know that it’ll be OK, then you’re in a good, trusting relationship.

Of course, Martin says you can never completely trust anyone. But I’d like to think you can. I’d like to think someone could completely trust me in a relationship.

Most of all, I’d like to believe that trust works. I’d like to believe that not all marriages walk a fine line between trust and suspicion. Living a life in a relationship where I should constantly be second-guessing my wife’s behavior is not a life I’d like to live. Somehwere, my mind (or is it my heart) tells me, there’s someone in a marriage of complete trust.

You need to find that person who, once you’re done being “in love” with, you can love.

I’d like to believe it can happen. I’d like to believe that not all women think it ends with trust, because otherwise I’ll be spending every relationship looking for the very thing that will tear it apart. And that is a sad thought.