Jason Preston
Writing

I missed the Scott Adams book blurb contest

Jason Preston · 2 min read ·

See, this is what happens when I don’t stay caught up in my feedreader. This post sat at the bottom of the whole mess until today when I deliberately looked for it.

I knew to look for it because yesterday Scott Adams posted the winners and some of the more miserable losers of the contest. I am extremely jealous. Had I known about this contest, I would have entered immediately, enthusiastically, and frequently.

I could have done way better than some of the winners. In fact, one of the winners outright steals a pretty classic take home joke:

“I was so upset when Grandad passed away from a Viagra overdose…It took us two weeks to nail the lid down on the coffin. I thought I’d never laugh again, until I read “STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN”. Scott Adams cures the jaded.”

Shame on you, John Robinson. And shame on you, Scott Adams for giving him a prize.

I think my first submission would have been something like this:

“Reading this book feels exactly like reading Scott Adams’ blog, except with less mayonnaise. What, how do YOU read blogs?”

and then next maybe “did anyone order a Pizza?”, because that’s always a good question to ask.

That said, there were a lot of good winners. Here are some of my favorites:

GRAND PRIZE WINNER

(Wins a framed original Dilbert strip)

“‘What a perfect companion for my afternoon milk bath,” I thought while picking up this little gem on my way home from work. Within the hour I had laughed myself into a neck-deep tomb of butter. My wife came in, sipping her eggnog, and topped me with meringue.”

Nicolas Feia

The next 25 winners get a signed copy of STICK TO DRAWING COMICS, MONKEY-BRAIN!

1. (First runner up)
Like a diligent little dung beetle, Adams slogs through the online jungle searching for fresh nuggets of news to polish into his daily blog entries. Some people say you can’t polish a turd, but after reading this book, I’d say they’re just not rubbing hard enough.

Matt Nelson

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2. As a smokin’ hot woman, I found this book hilariously funny and I’d seriously consider making out with any guy I saw reading it.

Diana Wales

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16. A delightful read…it has everything; humor, words, dangling participles, and did I detect a hint of nutmeg?

Chris Bachman

And then, I cannot for the life of me figure out why this is not a winner:

Before I found this, I was a pathetic, depressed, underappreciated, overworked, sexually impotent, joyless shell of a man. Now, I’m all those things with a funny book.

Kevin (disqualified)